February 8, 2017

By: Althea Roberts

In the wake of the President’s clear and pointed denial of the threat to Earth in the form of Asteroid 2017Icarus2, a new voice has emerged with an alternate narrative. Operating under the name “Children of Daedalus”, this organization is embracing the imminent Apocalypse and offering help to American citizens in need of counsel and support.

Children of Daedalus has provided us with the following document, text from a flyer distributed earlier this week in various cities throughout the United States.

In these time of unrest and fear, Children of Daedalus finds the best way to achieve self-care is to be around like-minded people in welcoming the imminent impact of Icarus2. If you’ve ever found yourself lost and in need of direction, where do you go for comfort? You go to your friends and family. But not everyone has that luxury.

Children of Daedalus welcomes all to the family of Icarus2. Love comes in all forms, which we believe includes being taken into Icarus2’s fallout and embrace. You’ll be able to feel your soul reaching out, and when the asteroid hits our planet, we believe all of us will no longer feel lost or afraid. Not only will we have Icarus2, We’ll have each other.

12:00pm Ice Cream Social Begins

1:00pm – Guest Speaker Brother Salderman

2:00pm – Prayer Circle

3:00pm – Ice Cream Social Ends

We’ll be headed around the neighborhood to canvas and knock on people’s doors. This is the best way to get to know your fellow family members. We meet every Friday, but if you REALLY want to reap the benefits of Children of Daedalus, you’ll be at the meetings AND serve as a member of the canvas team.

Only those who work the hardest will feel the true love of Icarus2’s power.

Admission is Free!

We have reached out to The Oval Office for an official statement from the President on Children of Daedalus. As of this writing, there has been no official response.