By Edwin Ellison
With the most compromised and possibly corrupt presidential administration now in office, concerns abound from experts in the science, space, and intelligence communities regarding threats from deep space. Reports and new information received as late as today point to the biggest threat to our collective human survival, the approaching asteroid known as 2017 Icarus2.
“The lack of any type of intelligence or understanding about this immediate threat from the extremely inexperienced President is astounding,” said Professor Jessica Rollins, from NASA’s Asteroid Disruption program. “With this new administration’s first week in power, the second biggest threat to civilization’s survival is clearly President John Dimwell, his lack of knowledge and denial of the reliability of our scientists and intelligence agencies.”
Global Now’s Edwin Ellison questioned the President’s press secretary, Ms. Penny Falmount, regarding Icarus2. Said Falmount, “The unsubstantiated reports of this supposed asteroid threat is the media’s way of diverting attention away from President Dimwell’s groundbreaking initiatives, in the start of his first 100 days in office. Unless the POTUS receives detailed briefings on the exact nature of the supposed threat, he will continue to classify this as the same kind of “fake news” that goes hand-in-hand with the lack of accurate Inauguration attendance numbers.
There have been top-secret reports from the NSA and NASA of other, seemingly unbelievable threats related to the asteroid 2017 Icarus2. One report obtained by Global Now states, “The asteroid seems to display unusual properties, one of which is the emission of a high-pitched frequency.” What, exactly, does this mean? Global Now’s Edwin Ellison reached out to a prominent astrophysicist who agreed to comment on the promise of anonymity. “It is not a coincidence that Icarus2 is on a collision course with Earth. Its trajectory displays unusual properties most commonly seen in relation to guided missiles. There is no technology on Earth that replicates the properties of this doomsday asteroid.”
In an increasingly alarming post-truth society, where deniers of climate change, the bulk of the President’s supporters – and even Cabinet members – carry their own brand of conspiracy-laced theories regarding Icarus2, some government officials deny its existence.
“Of course, the aliens are guiding the asteroid,” joked Speaker of the House, Rep. Peter Roberts during his interview on Global Now. “What will the media think of next?”
When questioned about aliens, asteroids, otherworldly technology and Armageddon, and how his administration is dealing with these threats to the United States, President Dimwell responded at yesterday’s press conference, “It’s sad! If the United States faced such a threat, we’d build a giant shield over our country! Believe me! There is little truth to the reports of any asteroid speeding towards Earth. Let’s get back to the real business of making our country amazing again!”
This statement contradicts every intelligence report, space agencies around the world, and leading scientists who all agree that 2017 Icarus2 could destroy civilization.
Following the press conference, the President wasted no time in discrediting reports from intelligence and space agencies. In several tweets, the POTUS commented, “Aliens! Asteroids! Armageddon! Fake!”
The United Nations is expected to release a statement next week, in order to prepare global citizenry about the impending asteroid strike.